Operation: Flappy Valentine's Day
by Heets
Summary: Hey guys :D this is a one off story, hope you like it! When a new Valentine's themed villain comes into the mix, and enslaves New York City, how will the team react? Can they find Doris in time to save Kowalski and the city? (Disclaimer - I do not own PoM!)


**Operation: Flappy Valentine's Day**

"February 14th – Valentine's day," Skipper said whimsically. "What calmer day could there be? Everyone out enjoying their love – I don't go in for it myself, but with the rest of the world keeping to themselves, it's like having a day off."

"It certainly is for Rico," Private smiled. "He's taken Ms Perky for a picnic in the park."

"Well that answers one penguin MIA – where's Kowalski?" Skipper asked, looking around.

"He's, uh…" Private looked nervously toward the door, "…in his lab…"

Skipper groaned, marching over to the door and slamming it open. Behind it, amid a pile of test tubes and dolphin plushies, Kowalski sat sobbing, in one flipper cradling a photo of Doris and in the other a set of blueprints, smudged with tears.

"What if I try the Love-U-Laser again?" He muttered to himself, though it was barely audible though the tears.

"Oh, no, Kowalski," Skipper scolded, grabbing him by the flipper and dragging him away from his Doris shrine, "You know how that turned out last time, and knowing you, THIS time it'll be even worse!"

"But Skipper!" Kowalski begged, "It's Valentine's day!"

"Exactly!" Skipper exclaimed, "Nothing is going to go wrong today—" At that moment, screams from above shook the entire HQ. "Fish and chips, men! Up top!" Skipper commanded. Private obediently darted up the ladder, while a still tearful Kowalski lagged behind.

The Zoo was in havoc: guests fleeing to the exits, the animals running amuck and strange arrows whizzing through the air all over. One of them landed right at Skipper's feet. Picking it up, he turned to Kowalski, "What in the name of Eisenhower's oatmeal is this?"

Kowalski examined the arrow; it had fluffy white feathers at one end, and a blood red, heart-shaped dart at the other. "SOMEONE'S MADE THEIR OWN LOVE-U-LASER! HOW COULD THEY?!" And with that, he burst into tears once again. Private took the arrow from the bawling Kowalski and patted him on the shoulder comfortingly, though looking decidedly awkward.

"I wonder who could have made it," Private thought aloud. His question was answered, however, when something brilliantly white flew down from the sky, brandishing a beautiful pink bow, shooting from what seemed to be a never-ending supply of arrows.

"I'm guessing that guy." Skipper said sarcastically.

"Is it an angel?" Private gazed on in awe. The glowing figure came into focus and revealed itself to be, in fact, a dove.

"I, AM SAINT VALENTINE!" The dove declared, swooping over the lemur habitat. Skipper groaned. Loudly.

Mort was scurrying this way and that, wherever he went an arrow hit the ground before him, causing him to run in the opposite direction. Suddenly, one pierced one of his tiny limbs, and whatever was inside the dart was injected into him.

"Sad eyes!" Skipper exclaimed, rushing to the rescue alongside Private and Kowalski. By the time they reached where the little lemur was, the dove – _Saint Valentine_ – was upon him. Mort seemed transfixed, like a zombie.

"Small lemur," Saint Valentine spoke with authority, "round up my other minions and prepare yourselves at the entrance. We're going to take on New York!"

"That's not gonna fly!" Skipper shouted.

"Well," Saint Valentine chuckled to himself, "_you're_ not." There was a silence. You could almost hear the crickets chirping. "Get it? Because you're _flightless birds_!"

Skipper groaned even more audibly as the zombified Mort went off in search of others in his state. He hadn't got halfway across the habitat, though, before he spied King Julien's feet. Mort's eyes suddenly lit up. "THE ROYAL FEET!" He screamed, shrilly, running toward them, arms outstretched.

"No!" Saint Valentine cried, swooping down and grabbing the little lemur before he could reach what he desired. "You mustn't go near them! Fetch my cupids!"

"Your what now?" Skipper looked quizzical.

"Oh, just a little name I give to my minions," Saint Valentine laughed bashfully. "Cute, right?"

"Wait a second," Kowalski had, by now, regained control of his emotions. "Why can't Mort go near Julien's feet? What would happen?"

"Nothing that concerns _you_." Saint Valentine said haughtily.

At that moment, King Julien came over shouting "What is the meaning of all these pointy things messy-ing up my Kingdom?" He picked up one of the arrows. "They would go quite nicely in the Royal Crown, though."

"You want one?" Saint Valentine laughed, raising his bow.

"No!" Julien began to run away, "I'm too beautiful to—OWWWWW!" Julien wailed, having been shot squarely in the buttocks with an arrow. "Not the Royal Booty!" Within seconds, he was in the same state as Mort.

"Kowalski, options!" Skipper ordered desperately, and Kowalski seemed momentarily stumped. He whipped out his clipboard and started scribbling frantically, and all of a sudden his eyes lit up,

"I've got it!" He cried, "If my hypothesis is correct, Saint Valentine's love darts may cause a chemical reaction within the recipient's body causing their pheromones and hormones to go wild – they are overcome by love, thus explaining their zombified state. Saint Valentine was worried about Mort getting too close to Julien's feet, so perhaps being within a certain proximity of the thing you love is what causes the effects of the serum to wear off."

"Dumb it down, Kowalski." Skipper raised an eyebrow.

"Get Mort to the feet."

"Well why didn't you just say so?" And they were off, dodging arrows still flying this way and that, determined to get to Mort without being hit.

"Evasive manoeuvres, men!" Skipper took command, jumping nimbly off walls, lamp-posts and bins, twirling expertly through the air until suddenly:

"There he is!" Private pointed to the Zoo's entrance, where Mort stood with a group of similarly blank-looking animals and humans. The penguins slid over to the lemur, and snatched him away.

"Private, stay on the look-out for that stupid dove." Skipper said, one flipper over Mort's mouth. "Kowalski, where's ringtail?"

"He's not with the other victims," Kowalski did a quick head count, "so he must be back at the lemur habitat."

"Let's move out!" Skipper slid off, holding mort in one flipper. When the penguins reached the lemur habitat they saw King Julien lounging on his throne, staring at his reflection in the screen of a lost mobile phone.

Spotting them, Julien cried, "Mort! There you are! I thought I felt the Royal Feet getting freezy!"

"Julien! You're back to normal?" Skipper looked confused, but Kowalski jumped to explain: "Then my theory is correct! Who does Julien love more than anything? Himself! So when he looked at his reflection, he must have reverted back to normal."

Hearing this, Skipper immediately released Mort onto the King's feet. "No, Mort! NO…TOUCHING…THE ROYAL..."

"Wait!" Kowalski steadied Julien's leg which was about to fling Mort miles. "You can't! This is the only way to cure him."

"I am liking him better this way." Julien huffed.

"Just a few more seconds…" Kowalski reassured, as Julien began to writhe in frustration.

"But he's such a freak!" As Julien said this, Mort came to. He looked around, then down at the feet he was hugging. "I am hugging the Royal Feet? Yay!"

"Not anymore!" Julien declared, and with a swift kick Mort flew to the other end of the habitat.

"So all we need to do to cure everyone is reunite them with their loved ones?" Private asked, "For a super-villain, he sure it a sweetheart."

"Sweet nothing!" Skipper slapped Private, "This guy is trying to take over _my_ turf, and I won't stand for it. Get me my weapons expert!"

"But Rico's having a romantic Valentine's Day with Ms Perky," Private protested.

"How _romantic_ do you think it's going to be when he's under attack?"

Private waddled off obediently, heading for the park. By now Saint Valentine had ceased his onslaught of arrows and had begun preparing his 'cupids' at the entrance.

"We'll take him down right at the gates," Skipper began tactics. "Rico can start with an explosion, to distract him and confuse his minions, while you, me and the Private start an aerial assault."

"Aye, Skipper." Kowalski headed toward HQ to get their jetpacks. Just as he left, Skipper heard moaning and incoherent complaining shortly followed by the appearance of Private, dragging a disgruntled Rico away from his date. Rico groaned something that sounded like "Aw, come on!" before Skipper took command:

"Rico – we have a situation. Some dove going by the name of" – an audible groan – "_Saint Valentine_ has been attacking the zoo with these" – another groan – "_love darts_. He's got half the visitors and some of our own under his control. The only way to cure them is to" – Skipper looked pained to even say this – "_reunite them with the person they love_. Eugh, saying all that out loud makes it sound even stupider."

"_I_ think he's the nicest villain we've ever had to defeat." Private smiled. "I mean, he's evil, but in such a nice way."

Rico looked unconvinced, his head cocked to one side; Skipper responded simply by face-flippering and saying "Let's just get Kowalski and get on with this." The three penguins slid off toward HQ, but on the way—

"Hold up!" Skipper shouted. "Is that Kowalski?" He pointed to the entrance, where Kowalski was stood with all the other zombified minions, staring blankly while Saint Valentine flew above them screeching orders.

"We will attack New York within the hour! I want my cupids to round up all the humans you can find and get them to Central Park, where they will be easy targets for my love darts. Do you understand, cupids?" A general murmur of consent was heard from the crowd.

Private gasped, "No! Poor Kowalski! Skipper, we have to save him!" Rico yelped in desperate agreement.

"Of course we do, men. But we need to get him out of there without being noticed." Skipper said, thinking. At this point Rico piped up, jumping excitedly, spouting something that might have been "I have a plan!" but before either Skipper or Private could clarify, he was off like a shot, sliding on his belly over to the Zoovenirs store. Soon enough, he was back, a dolphin plushie under his wing. He presented it with a "Ta da!" and began waving it frantically at the Zoo entrance, hoping Kowalski would spot it. Sure enough, the scientist took one look at the dolphin and swooned, sneaking out from the crowd to rush over to it.

"Like leading a horse with a carrot," Skipper commented, pleased, as Rico led the almost drooling Kowalski back to HQ by dangling the dolphin plushie in front of him.

Back in their secret base, the penguins sat around the table – except for Kowalski, who was cuddling the dolphin plushie on the floor.

"What do we do now?" Private asked solemnly. "Kowalski loves Doris, and who knows where she could be."

"Kowalski would." Skipper replied, similarly forlorn.

"Hang about…that's it!" Private looked delighted. He scurried through the door and over to Kowalski's lab. Rifling through various drawers and cupboards, suddenly an "Ah ha!" caused Skipper and Rico to rush over, too.

"Look!" Private pointed into a drawer. Skipper and Rico peered in, tentatively, to find blueprints, compasses, maps with little dolphins plotted at certain points, photographs of Doris and even miniature surveillance equipment through which they could see expanses of sea, and lo and behold, through one of the tiny screens they could see Doris the Dolphin.

"This guy has issues…" Skipper said slowly, disturbed. Rico garbled "Coo-coo!" and made crazy gestures with his flippers. "Where is that?" Skipper pointed at the screen with Doris on it.

"Um," Private looked for some indication. He studied one of the maps with tiny dolphins plotted on it and realised that they were color-coded: all the places plotted were places Doris was likely to be, and each corresponded with a colored sticker next to each screen on the tiny monitor. "Great South Bay! Doris is nearby, Skipper!"

"Then let's get to it, men!" Skipper ordered, and they did – grabbing the jetpacks Kowalski had failed to acquire, they set off, Skipper somewhat laden for having to carry Kowalski who was, in turn, carrying his dolphin plushie.

"Maybe after this we should think about…seeking some counselling for Kowalski?" Private suggested feebly, as they soared through the air.

"That would be…advisable." Skipper replied, while behind him Rico again made crazy gestures, this time coupled with crossed eyes and his tongue stuck out.

The penguins made good time getting to Green South Bay. With the jet packs the journey took just less than half an hour.

"We get in, we get out. And we get back in time to stop that crazy dove's attack on the city." Skipper said, authoritatively. Private and Rico nodded, while Kowalski snuggled the plushie, now completely transfixed by it, it being the closest thing to Doris he had at that moment. As the penguins headed toward the bay, they realised quite how large a place it was.

"We'll never find Doris at this rate," Private's face fell, but just as he said it, in some crazy stroke of luck (or 'fate', as Kowalski would later come to call it), they spotted the silhouette of a dolphin arcing over the water.

"There!" Skipper pointed. "Private, you stay with Kowalski. Rico, come with me." Skipper and Rico dived into the water and swam quickly toward where they had seen Doris, while Private turned to an oblivious Kowalski.

"You'll be okay soon," Private reassured, though as much to himself, since Kowalski was ignorant of his words, "Skipper and Rico will get Doris, then you'll be better." Hearing the word 'Doris' made Kowalski pluck up, almost ravenously so, and he looked around quickly. "Come on, let's go join them." Private led Kowalski into the water, leaving the plushie on land, much to Kowalski's distress.

Under the water, Skipper and Rico could see a dolphin in the distance, obscured by the cloudy water. Skipper motioned to Rico to swim faster to catch up, but just as they did the dolphin began to surface, so they did the same.

"Doris!" The penguins shouted simultaneously once in the air, then plunged back into the water. They did this another two times before the dolphin finally heard them and swam over.

"Skipper!? Rico?" Doris exclaimed, "What are you doing here?" She paused, then her face sunk with realisation, "Is…_he_ here?"

"Actually that's _why _we're here," Skipper explained.

"Look, guys, I've told him seventeen times—"

"Sixteen and a half." Skipper corrected.

"Whatever. I've told him so many times that _I just want to be friends_." Doris half pleaded.

"Doris, darling," Skipper sucked up to the dolphin, "we've got a…_situation_…in New York. Kowalski has been poisoned with this serum…stuff…Anyway, the only way he can be cured is to see the one he loves – you."

"Seriously?" Doris raised an eyebrow.

"Unfortunately, yes." Skipper rolled his eyes.

"But-" Doris started.

"But nothing! I'm a man down, Doris – a good man – my lieutenant, and if you're the only one who can bring him back, then that's what you're going to do." Skipper ordered.

"Fine," Doris sighed, "where is he?"

"Here," said Private, having just reached them. He moved aside to reveal the transfixed Kowalski who, upon seeing Doris, dived toward her through the water and embraced her passionately.

"Okay, um," Doris tried to push him off, "everything okay now?"

"Just a minute," Private assured her, and sure enough Kowalski snapped out of his trance moments later. He looked at Doris.

"D-Doris?" He murmured.

"Oh, hi Kowalski," Doris said, pushing him away. "Glad to see you're back to normal."

"D-Doris?" Kowalski repeated.

"You are back to normal, right?" Doris looked at him cautiously.

Kowalski shook his head; you could almost hear the cogs in his brain whirring. "Yep! Normal. Fit as a fiddle. Say, Doris, why don't you and I get dinner sometime?"

Doris rolled her eyes. "Yep. _Normal_." She began to swim away. "It was, uh, nice seeing you guys. Wait, how did you find me anyway?"

"Funny story. You see, there's this drawer in Kowalski's lab…" Skipper began, before Kowalski grabbed his beak, clamping it shut.

"Coincidence! Just lucky, I guess," he laughed nervously, hiding his distaste for so-called 'luck'.

"_Right_. Well, see you around…" Doris turned and swam away.

"What about that dinner?" Kowalski shouted after her.

"Don't make it seventeen and a half, Kowalski!" Came the faint reply. Kowalski's shoulders slumped, but he resolved himself and turned to his friends:

"So, did you defeat Saint Valentine?"

"Oh no!" Private wailed, "We're too late! It's been an hour!"

"Kaboom?" Rico asked fretfully.

"Not on my watch." Skipper reassured them, as the team swam quickly back to shore.

"The jetpacks are out of soda," Private said, forlornly. "What now?" But that was answered by the loud revving of an engine and screeching of brakes as Rico pulled up beside them in a hotwired car. Nearby someone shouted "My car!"

"We take the road." Skipper smiled.

Rico drove maniacally through the streets of New York, but the closer they got to Central Park, the grimmer the outlook became: people and pets alike flocked the streets in zombified states, and arrows could still be seen shooting from the sky. At last they were in the park, Rico crashed through some bushes and almost toppled the vehicle as it skidded to a halt. The four hopped out, ready to fight. Within seconds of their arrival, Saint Valentine was upon them.

"Back again so soon?" He teased, landing on a branch and preparing his bow with four arrows simultaneously, pointed squarely at the penguins. "Bye, bye, birdies," he chuckled. "Get it? _Bye, bye birdies_?"

"We get it," Skipper moaned, "just shoot me now, _please_."

"As you wish," Saint Valentine grinned, releasing the arrows. Dodging them all expertly, and the onslaught that followed, the penguins darted around, executing all of their evasive manoeuvres.

"Skipper, I have a plan!" Kowalski shouted, "What if I re-built the Love-U-Laser?"

"_Kowalski_!" Skipper yelled back. "Now is not the time! She _just wants to be friends_ – how are you not getting this?!"

"No, no, I mean, what if we fight love, with love?"

"Kowalski! Rico! Private! Tactical retreat!" Skipper demanded. They leapt through the gates and into the Zoo, reaching the safety of HQ before Saint Valentine could catch up with them.

"Kowalski, what's this about your Love-U-Laser?" Skipper asked.

"Well, if I re-made it we could use it to shoot Saint Valentine and make him fall in love with someone so he'd stop attacking the city." Kowalski gushed.

"That's a good plan, Kowalski," Private piped up. Rico nodded enthusiastically.

"Exactly how long will it take you to re-make it?" Skipper enquired.

"Approximately five minutes," Kowalski admitted, "I'm already practically finished."

"Practically finished? How?"

"Well I, uh, might have possibly started to re-make it bit by bit a few months ago…" Kowalski trailed off, wincing at the prospect of a slap. Skipper looked more than ready to give him one, but calmed himself: "I'll get mad at you later. For now, just get that thing built." Kowalski hurried into his lab, and lots of banging, crashing and a few explosions later, emerged brandishing a new Love-U-Laser.

"After the last incident, I've always kept a few phials of Macguffium 239 handy," he explained, inserting one into the laser.

"Let's get to it, men." Skipper said. The penguins leapt up out of the hatch, and landed, heroic-looking on the surface. Saint Valentine could be seen circling Central Park, still on the lookout for the penguins. "Stay low." Skipper commanded in a whisper.

"Who do we target for Saint Valentine's love?" Private asked.

"Good question." Kowalski pondered, "Skipper?" He turned to the leader, but before he could answer King Julien jumped down into their habitat.

"You penguins are back already? Why were you not telling me?" He then spotted the Love-U-Laser: "Ooh! Ooh! Let me be shooting it, your King is bored." He cried as he snatched it from Kowalski's flippers.

"Julien, no!" Kowalski started, but it was too late. The King pulled the trigger and shot randomly across the Zoo. The penguins watched in horror: what if it hit another animal? The laser found its way into the lemur habitat, and zapped the mobile phone sitting atop King Julien's throne.

"No, I zappeded my new mirror!" Julien wailed. The penguins looked at each other, paused, and shrugged.

"He could do worse." Kowalski joked, taking the Love-U-Laser from Julien and targeting Saint Valentine. With a firm squeeze of the trigger, Saint Valentine was instantly smitten with the mobile phone. Dropping his bow and quiver of arrows, he swooped down and picked up the phone, hugging it, kissing it and excitedly pushing its buttons. "You have no new messages." The phone's automated voice was activated. Gleefully, Saint Valentine pressed more buttons: "The number you have dialled is currently unavailable."

"Doesn't she have a wonderful voice?" Saint Valentine smiled, as he flew away, cradling his new love delicately in his talons.

Julien wiped away a tear, "My reflective surface has been stolen from me! It was the only thing to ever be showing me true beauty." Rico patted Julien on the shoulder with a garbled "There, there," and coughed up a mirror, handing it to Julien.

"Who is caring about the old mirror? This new one is being much more beautiful – by which I mean showing me clearer, obviously."

Back at HQ, Skipper sat at the table enjoying a nice cup of coffee.

"That's a fine cup o' Joe." He said, lifting the fish out and swallowing it.

"But Skipper," Private chimed in worriedly, "what about everyone affected by Saint Valentine's love darts?"

"Don't you worry about them, little Private." Skipper patted the young'un on the head. "Marlene has front-row tickets at an Enrico Guitaro concert, Phil is spending the weekend at Hoboken with Lulu—"

"What about the people, though?" Private interrupted.

"That, Private, is a human problem." Skipper took a hearty sip of his coffee, and sighed happily.


End file.
